It's been nearly three years since I was last in St. Malo, the beautiful walled city on the Channel. Every couple of months my heart aches and my soul yearns to return. Less than a week there alone, and yet my spirit belongs to Bretagne. When I envision a concrete embodiment of beauty, I immediately replay echoes of ships drifting languidly across placid water. I owe that city the last three years of my life. My brief time there were a catharsis of detritus, and I would be remiss if I didn't credit it as one of the most important experiences of my life.

I would, with only a moment's notice, drop everything I own but my cat and laptop if I could have a small apartment near the walled city, a bicycle, a job, and a bottle of pastis. Who's up for coming with?

I'm feeling a bit blue as of late, and I don't know that I'm entirely appreciating the universe. This is sad, as I always considered myself a great appreciator of beauty in all things. Lately, though, I find myself getting very little out of activities/places/projects that I should enjoy. To combat this funk, I wish to come up with a concentrated list of things that make me feel passionate about life in general. Here are my ideas so far, based on what has been pleasing me the last few days:

-Potager
-reverse reverb
-balloons
-Linux
-24-bit sound
-J Dilla's "Nothing Like This"
-FPGAs
-Quaker Oh's
-hugs that mean something
-modern and post-modern visual art
-cats
-math
-inquisitiveness
-Ableton Live

Any other ideas for important things? What makes you happy? When you have a stream of crappy days so long that even an OK day feels like the Sword of Damocles, what do you do to cheer up? I really need a good day, and I intend to make tomorrow (today? It's late) just such a day.

OK, so I know there are a lot of super-math-savvy people on my friends list here, and I need a hand. I want to build a synth, and I'm designing a digital sine oscillator with variable symmetry. What I need is a good formula to work with. So far, these are the steps of my thoughts:

1: a(p)=sin(p), with p=phase
Now, this is useful... if you don't want variable wave symmetry.

2: a(p,w)=sin(p)^w
This is neat, because since the sine wave varies between 0 and 1, raising it to a power only modifies the shape of the wave, not its amplitude... except... shit, under many circumstances this winds up with a rectified sine, which is not of much use if you want nice, creamy transitions.

3: Where I am now
I want to create a formula that is as simple as possible (because I might be calculating it on a low-powered microcontroller) that will take a floating-point number for phase width and will find the two odd integers surrounding it (the ceiling and floor with respect to odd integers, which I will program as functions and can be assumed as usable here). It will then do a linear interpolation between sin(p)^(floor(w)) and sin(p)^(ceil(w)), based on where between those two odd integers w lies.

It's too late, I'm too tired to think any further, and I figured this might be a fun problem to diddle with. I know it's super easy, but I'm a zombie.

Any ideas?

Future problem for consideration, if any of you are super bored:
-Given a current phase value, a target frequency, and a sampling rate for the dac, what is the new phase value?

I think the last couple of weeks of torturing my body are finally paying macabre dividends. I've got a case of the shakes that would make Michael J. Fox cry (too soon?). I think I'm relapsing into the lame 48 hour bug that punched me in the sinuses a few weeks back. Fortunately, it's not too intense, I just feel enervated. I project another day or so of pulling my corporeal form through existence before I feel all human again.

On the bright side, I've discovered a new favorite sandwich. Yesterday I fried up some onions with some marsala and balsamic, and when they started to caramelize a bit I threw in a couple portabellas. I also had some boss roasted red pepper focaccia and some pepperjack, so I put the onions and mushrooms on the bread and baked it in the oven for ten minutes or so. It tasted like heaven. I may indulge in another one today. Hopefully that pleasantness will be able to overcome the dullness that has overcome my olfactory perception. I need a culinary hug. Maybe a nice soup? That would be lovely. A sandwich and some soup. And a blanket. And a nap.

Snooz'n USA.

Anyone who has not had the pleasure of having a cat conk out on their chest, all twitchy and dreaming of chasing birds, with Animal Collective playing in the background owes themselves.

I am the most pleased being in the universe. I can't even remember the last time I had so complete a feeling of contentedness.

I've just read an article describing the process of universities patenting the ideas of seniors going through their senior design courses, and I am irate. This is likely not a concern for most of my pals, few of you being of an engineering bent, but any of you that have gone through higher academia have probably worried about the idea of a professor taking your ideas as their own. Their argument is frequently that, as your mentors, they are responsible for creating the environment in which those ideas were seeded and fostered them to maturity. I, finally, have thought of a proper, reasoned counterargument that's more aggressive than just saying "that's not right."

When a company hires an engineer (or, similarly, when a publisher takes on an author) they largely own the rights to any ideas generated by their work. Engineers especially are prone to being sued by companies if, after leaving and forging out on their own with a new company, it becomes apparent that their ideas originated when they were working for their former employer. Though not always fair, I understand the case for this.

The difference between employment and academia is that, rather than being paid, your are paying for the privilege.

If anything, your professors are employed by you.

So, you paid for any work they did for you, and as such...

You own their ideas.

Suck on that, prof!

Thoughts? It's only the first mix, so I'm open to suggestions.

I've spent eight years toadying to the whole disgusting lot of Texas right-wingers, but that ship has sailed. All aboard the HMS Spite. I shall spend the next four years giddy with glee as my cruel revenge is exacted. I shall crush you, fascists, in the way most painful for you. Our leftist retribution shall take the form most abhorrent to you.

The next four years shall be four years of success for me. I shall live in relative luxury in a tiny left wing utopia. You shall all detest me for my happiness. The worst bit? Oh, I save the worst for last.

You will love it. A rising tide floats all boats. The strength of the new economy will bring back the success you remember from the 90's. You'll love it all, and you'll hate that the most.

Obama '08! Woooooooooooo!

I am suffering from a random and terrible case of vertigo. I'm on day two of a lame head cold, but I did not expect this entirely. I always forget how crap being sick is. When I first notice the indications of an oncoming pox I shrug it off and think it's no big deal. 48 hours later I'm sweating and hallucinating Gary Coleman in hell. Not cool, body. Not awesome at all.

I am posting this from my new G1! Yay sexyphone!

I am slowly but surely gaining an appreciation for post-bop and avant-garde jazz that is bordering on fanaticism. I am at great risk of becoming a jazzbo. Someone kick me if I start wearing a pork pie around and begin talking fondly of the "old days" as though I were alive either in the 1930s, lived in New Orleans, or some combination thereof. I must say, though, that Mingus, a gin and tonic, and a poor mood are a great combination.

-Star Time 2 - Push-pull interplay of bass and lead sublime.
-The Coathanger - Airy drums. Oddly reserved, even with crazy vocoder.
-Open Society - Wait, what? Acoustic guitar with reverse reverb? How... excessive.
-A Real Woman - Electro-jazz Ramones rip. Happy Days on mescaline?
-Delta V - Jazz Sabbath? Thick, distorted bass. Black Flag on Mingus? *throws metal sign* *wears tweed*
-Aqueduct - All sound design. I've had nightmares that sound like this. All clanging, no substance. Considering all that, still quite palatable. How?
-Potential Govaner - Yes, you are a very accomplished musician. Showy, but fun in a technical way.
-Planet Gear - HUGE. Like looking at a tear in the universe at its periphery.
-Tensor In Green - A soundtrack to a Jim Woodring dystopia, all flying newts and twelve-story tall cogs enshrouded in smog.
-The Glass Road - A bit confusing. Sounds like the good Mr. Jenkinson forgot a pack of jumping beans on his hi-hats. Early-Police type melody starts to redeem about 30% through. SONG CAT IS LONG.
-The Glass Road - Yes, the same song. The same very, very long song. Actually good by the end. Boring as hell outro. Skip the last minute. Probably just a time-stretched sneeze.
-Fluxgate - Set phasers to bore. A Border's Books under attack by the Enterprise. Blessedly short.
-Duotone Moonbeam - YES, YOU ARE A VERY ACCOMPLISHED MUSICIAN. FINE. I KNOW. STOP.
-Quadrature - HERE we go. THIS is a beat. Well balanced, with a simple guitar complement. Light synths. Clean rhythm. All in all, an actual song.
-Yes Sequitur - FUCKING YES, I KNOW. No more classical guitar! It makes you sound like a douche! Weak close, album would have been better closing on Quadrature.

I do not know whether to build a stirling engine or a tesla turbine as the secondary part of my solar power apparatus. I tend to favor the stirling engine due to its ability to run on hot air alone, but the tesla turbine seems more easily constructed and more efficient, if I can guarantee that the collector will generate enough to heat to make a continuous supply of steam. I would also have to make a closed system that would recirculate the water, but I don't think that would be too difficult.

Can livejournal give me an answer?

Everyone wants to lower their electric bills, and alternative energy is becoming more and more compelling. Wind power is great, but building a windmill high enough to get optimal placement in a residential area is against most building codes in most locales. Photovoltaic cells are insanely expensive. Solar power, though, is the right way to go, I think. The best solution is a parabolic reflector. The usual parabolic reflector looks like this:



There are a few issues with this. Well, there's only one issue. They are a bitch to build. On the other hand, flat-wrapped steel is easy to form. So my idea is this:



Make some parabolic guides out of wood, bend a sheet of steel to conform, polish to a mirror finish, put a piece of copper pipe that's been spray-painted black along the focal line, and hook the resulting steam holocaust into a stirling-based generator. Simple, cheap, easy to produce, and zero carbon footprint. My power bills are about to be stupid low.

Also, this could be done in developing countries to boot-strap electricity in small villages to power electric tools that would improve the standard of living for our poorest and hungriest. But whatever.

More pixel art! Featuring forlorn Japanese pixel things, no less.

Pixel art is fun!!

I went to England.

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I've come to a conclusiion:

I have no idea. About anything. Also, I have no control over anything. Most importantly, all of this is OK. Dorian still has feelings for me. She also has feelings for Karl, her ex. This is also OK. As long as we're not dating, I can live with that. Perhaps we will start dating again. Perhaps not. Again, OK.

I love Dorian, and that means I'll do anything to make her happy, even if that means not dating her and moving on. I entirely relate to her conflicted emotions, though, and I've forgiven her for everything that's a product of that confusion. I feel good about doing that. I wasn't sure if I would feel good or feel like I was giving in, but it's the right thing to do. I'm sure of that. Bitterness is never justified, and I've moved forward. I'm still sad, scared, and confused, but I can't be angry.

I don't have the capacity to give up on love. I like that about myself. Jess and, if you still read this, Cassandra, I still love you both. Deeply. Not in the way that compelled me to date you, but that core of love is still there. Now it only manifests as a will to see you both happy, and seeing everyone move on has actually been rewarding for me. I know I wasn't meant to date either of you now, and we're pursuing our own needs, and if we love each other that should be a boon for everyone. Dorian, on the other hand, might be the one I'm supposed to be with. I don't know yet, but if she and I can be happy together then that's what I want. If we can't then I want us to find happiness elsewhere. I guess I get the whole "love" thing now. I've never stopped loving anyone, and I like that. I think I've finally come to an understanding of how to love someone and not need to date them. It's always happened, but I'm really glad I finally understand why.

It's actually kind of cool.

OH! Also, an update just for anyone who runs a dating site on late-night telly:

Your ads don't make single people want to join your site. The image of an oblivious yet effusively happy couple does nothing but make me want to wretch. If I could puke stress my life would be a lot easier, but the anxiety just isn't joining the dal maharani any time soon.

If recently broken up people felt that way looking at me for the last 8.666 months then I deserve this feeling. It's a just penance for the treacle I was peeing everywhere.